calm before the storm.

Today is Wednesday. Thursday I receive a take-home final exam that is essentially a 15-20 page essay for IS 451. I have 7 days to write it. As soon as I hand that in, I have to begin cramming for my History and French finals. Finals end on the 21st. During this period, I still have work and volunteering to think about.

I have all of this going on in the next 2 weeks, however nothing is making me as distraught as my grandparents' departure. Due to my shitty blogging efforts, I haven't mentioned that my grandparents have been visiting from Germany for the last 2 months. They leave on the 15th, and I am experiencing intense anxiety over it. I love them far more than is necessary for a grandchild to love her grandparents. It's depressing that I've only seen them a handful of times in my life. This is the downfall of living in the "most liveable city in the world".

My dad moved us here with good intentions, as he believed (and still believes to this day), that of all the cities he's lived in during his lifetime, Vancouver is the best place to raise a family (aside from Kabul, of course). Thus, we've been subjected to living a life that is quite empty of family members.

It's just the 4 of us here. And it sucks. Sure, it sucks for Eva and I having to say goodbye to various members of our family after the rare times we see them. However, it sucks on a whole other level for my mom and dad. They're far away from everyone they care about, including my mom's grandchild and son. Although my mom frequently complains about this misfortune, my dad is determined to hold his ground in support of living here.

If it were up to me, I'd pick up and leave for Germany tomorrow. I can't do this of course, because my dad is far too stubborn to ever admit that he made a mistake in moving us here and agree to leave. Also, it's been about 15 years now since we left Toronto for Vancouver. In all honesty though, Eva and I have established ourselves here in ways that would be difficult to turn away from. University, friends, memories... it's tough.

I wish my grandparents would never have to leave. They are such special people and I love seeing their welcoming smiles each time I come home from a long, stressful day. I think a part of this anxiety stems from the fact that both of them are unwell and time is unfortunately limited. If I'd know for sure that they'd return at least 10 more times in my life time, I'd be far more content.

On top of them leaving, there are still those finals to worry about. This instant is the calm before the storm that is semester-end. However, after finals are over I FINALLY get to have some time to myself. And that time is not the measly 2.5 weeks we get in between semesters... I get a full FOUR MONTHS (aka the entire semester) to not worry about school AND work AND volunteer work AND the rest of life. For the first time since I've started university, I'm only taking one class (which is a distance education course), and spending the rest of my time working part time and exploring Vancouver! I can't even explain how much I'm looking forward to this summer. I want to go camping, hiking, road tripping. I want to exercise and eat healthy. I want to go out on weekends and not worry about finals or papers. I need this break.

Anywho, that's all she said for now.

gh, xO